Sunday, 17 July 2005

Mousetrap - 11

T.P. Central
At Work and Bored
Slow day at the office? Boss not in town? Your monitor not visible to the world passing by? Sneak over to his site and sample the goodies available. The section called Goof Off Games alone can get you through the Monday Morning Blues. There are puzzles (my current fave is the Rickshaw Jam game), crosswords, jigsaws, and arcade type stuff. Then there’s a frequently refreshed jokes section, an area called The Virtual Chef, where you can copy and paste recipes to send to your mother-in-law, a horoscope, and even a cartoon section. The only caveat: since it’s a free site, be prepared to put up with garish banner ads, sometimes even an intervening “from our sponsor” page before you get to the goodies. Oh yes. Try the “Panic” button in emergencies. Enjoy.

The Power of One
One Word
Feeling a little blocked? Need that challenge to get the synapses moving? One Word might help. The site gives you sixty seconds to write whatever come to mind based on the one-word cue you are given when you hit the “Go” button. “it is not about learning new words.” the site says, “nor is it about defining words. the real purpose of this exercise is to alleviate our natural tendency to edit everything—and learn to flow.”

Bah!
Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal
Mouthful of a name, yes, but the site is a haven for sceptics. Its team puts the magnifying glass of science to claims of the paranormal, pseudo-scientific beliefs and fringe science. It hosts features, columns, sends its members a quarterly newsletter, lists useful links, and a hoax watch section that’s merits a bookmark of its own. Best of all, it has a sense of fun (see this for an example). A worthwhile side-trip is the Skeptiseum, also run by CSICOP, with its fascinating array of exhibits on UFOs, miracles, ghosts and spirits, and much more.

Boo!
Obiwan's UFO-Free Paranormal Page
If the previous site was not to your liking, you’ll approve of this one. “Serving you spirits since 1994,” they say, and offer you sections that include True Ghost Stories, a Ghosts and Hauntings FAQ, info on famous hauntings, and, of course, Ghostly Links. It even has a message board an other interactive features. You have a nice night now, hm?

* * *

This week’s blogs
Two blogs for the price of one this week.

Arachnophilia
spiderblog
Talk about single-minded! This blogger, to take a wild guess, is kinda partial to spiders. This is a very specialist filter blog that exclusively links to pages, news items, pictures and all kinds of trivia about our eight-legged friends. No comments section, though, so I guess he isn’t looking for an audience. And, if I had my druthers, I’d like to see a bit more of the blogger’s personality coming through in the way of comments and opinions on the pages he links to.

Your time starts now
Jaldi Quizzing
A recent find, this blog, and a refreshing one. Once a week, on the average, Jaldi quiz posts about a dozen questions, including a set of visual-related queries. And when the next set of questions go up, the previous week’s answers are posted as well. My quibble here is that the blogger puts the answers right there next to the questions, so for the first-time reader who’d like to test her/his quiz skills, the fun is gone. It would make more sense, methinks, to put the answers into the comments. He also generously links to other quiz sites and blogs.

This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Reader suggestions welcome, and will be acknowledged. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 17th July 2005.

[Note: Mousetrap has moved to a Sunday slot, in the Science and Technology section of the new Review supplement, and is now also available here.]

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Sunday, 10 July 2005

Mousetrap - 10

“It was a dark and stormy night…
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
“…the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.” Named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who opened his book, Paul Clifford, with the preceding sentence, the Bulwer-Lytton contest asks you to write the opening sentence of the worst of all possible novels. Started in 1982, by a professor in the English Department at San Jose State University, the contest has a cult following on the net. It now features entries in various categories, aside from an overall prize. The archives from previous years should keep you occupied on many a rainy day, even if you don’t want to enter the contest.

How?
HowStuffWorks
If you’re the type that likes to find out how things work, this site lives up to its name. Articles range from the expected (how car engines or cellphones work), to the mega (how nuclear bombs work) to the ones that leave you more than a little worried (“how lock picking works”). Perfect when you’ve got little kids with inquisitive minds at home, but as the examples I mention may suggest, you better be the one doing the searching. (Thanks, Sailesh Ghelani.)

Gonna sit right down and write myself a letter
futureme.org
You know about time capsules, right? Where letters and artifacts are sealed off in a container and buried, to be dug up an opened at some future date? Well, here’s the net version. Write yourself an email, perhaps about what you plan to do with your life over the next few years, or theorising about what you will be doing at a certain date, and set it to be mailed to you at a specific date (the site lets you choose dates up to 2035. Then (A suggestion form the site: “we recommend using an address with some potential for longevity.” In other words, don’t use a work e-ddress.

Some of our best friends recommended this site
Black People Love Us
The fine art of satire. The site rips off the entire politically correct thing through this “home page,” allegedly the property of Sally and Johnny, two WASP stereotypes, complete with sweaters. Everything works together: the design is studiedly amateur, the photos could come off any throwaway camera, and the copy is exquisite. Be sure to read the testimonials page. And the letters, which, if they’re not total fabrications, are tribute to how well the site is done, going by the number of people who take it at face value. (Thanks, Vikram Joshi.)

Blog of the week – The buck doesn’t stop here
Blame India Watch
A reaction to the anti-outsourcing hysteria in the West, this blog links to stories that get all whiney about jobs and opportunities going east, and offers a counter view. The anonymous blogger behind the site has a sense of humour and the knack of putting his/her arguments into pithy one-liners, the better to show up the articles s/he links to. Unfortunately, it’s not a frequently updated blog, but it’s definitely worth a place in your RSS reader.

This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Reader suggestions welcome, and will be acknowledged. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 8th July 2005.

[Note: Mousetrap has moved to a Sunday slot, in the Science and Technology section of the new Review supplement.]

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Friday, 1 July 2005

Mousetrap - 9

Kaun Banega Timewaster
Quizilla
What colored lightsaber would you have? Which of the Greek gods are you? Which alcoholic drink are you? Which Harry Potter character are you? Visit Quizilla. Hundreds of user-created quizzes to hekp you find your place in the world. Perfect for the type of people who find it difficult to describe themselves in more conventional ways. The quizzes are rated for different audiences, so the more easily shocked readers of this column can navigate without fear of terminal scandalosis. You don’t have to be a member to take any of the quizzes, but you will have to go through a fairly simple registration page to create a new quiz or save data. Many of the quizzes also offer you cut-and-paste HTML that you can put on your home page, blog or networking site member page. Wouldn’t advise you to put this in your online biodata, though.

Face Off
The Perception Laboratory's Face Transformer
Want to know what you’d look like if you were Caucasian? Or East-Asian? Or if El Greco or Botticelli had painted you? Or even as a member of the opposite sex. Upload a full face picture to this site, and then let the face transformer loose. (You’ll need to have a java plug-in installed.) Here, for your viewing pleasure, is your columnist as an ape and as a Manga cartoon.



Blog of the week - Eye Candy
Drawn
Blogs are not just about words. And, thankfully, I found Drawn a while ago. It is a colloboration between a small group of artists who are not just from Canada, despite the Top Level Domain. As the name suggests, it focusses on drawing, illustration, art and cartoonisting, with links and resources that aim to inspire creativity. A great place for the artistically inclined to pick up on trends and developments, or just for ideas. Even the non-initiate will be blown away by the sheer variety of talent on offer. Go, gentle reader. Feast your eyes.

How do I love thee...
Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest
This page, and the contest, owes its origins to the well-known site, poetry.com. Poetry.com is, depending on whom you ask, a huge scam preying on poets desperate for recognition, a vanity publisher, or a wonderful contest site. The way it (and others like it) works is by running regular contests, the winners of which are selected to appear in a special anthology. Netizens noticed that everyone who entered seemed to get a letter saying they had been selected as a “semi-finalist,” and their poem would be published in a beautiful cloth bound book, which they could buy, naturally. Well, one of those canny netizens decided to test the hypothesis, and sent in a piece of gibberish, signed Wergle Flomp. Which was selected. Later, winningwriters decided to start their own contest, named after the fictional poet, half tongue in cheek, half warning to the innocent. You can see the “winning” entry off this page, and find links to other, ahem, vanity contests. And yes, this contest is genuine. There are prizes worth US$1,609 to be awarded this year.

Bad to verse
Nikhil Parekh
Is this man the worst poet in the world? You decide. He’s certainly a champion at collecting what he calls “prime ministerial/presidential/world leader/world organization accolade letters for his poetic writings on immortal love/anti terrorism/world peace/environment conservation/hiv-aids awareness/tsunami killer quake/several other heart-rendering causes.” As the recipient of one of them in January when, with some friends, I was running a blog that collected information about aid efforts for the tsunami-affected, I can tell you that he lacks not for enthusiasm and a thesaurus. Going by the sheer number of scans of form letters he has available, he certainly has time on his hands. And more to spare. His latest effort? “Longest poem on earth ... Only As Life. The poem measures a 1301 lines, 7389 words, 46257 characters. It is the longest in ‘pure poetry fraternity’ and 21st century on the planet, written in English language.” That last bit, i must warn you, is debatable.

This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Reader suggestions welcome, and will be acknowledged. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 1st July 2005.

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The Disorient Express

Peter Griffin loses track of time on the Barak Valley Express

The monsoon, like any sensible traveller, has paused for breath near Goa. A few hundred kilometres to the West, people wear tired expressions as they gaze at parched, cracked earth.

But here, in Haflong, in the North Cachar Hills of Assam, it doesn’t seem like there ever was a dry season. Water cascades down hillsides, lurks in the clouds that surround you, can be smelled in the carpets and the furniture, and ever so often, comes racing up the mountains as a passing burst of rain.

Getting here has been tiring.

Day One, a delayed flight into Guwahati, a busy afternoon, and an evening scramble through crowded streets to the station. My connecting train pulls out of the station a mere 15 minutes late. But almost immediately slows to a stop. And stays there for an hour.

I chat up one of the TCs. A large paramilitary contingent were boarding the train, he tells me, and hadn’t finished loading up. And they “asked” the driver not to start the train, and when he demurred, the uniformed gallants beat him up. The driver being too badly hurt to do his job, a substitute was being called in. This would take a while.

I seek out the train attendant. Would he be so kind as to hand out pillows? No, said the attendant. As per the rules, he was to distribute bedding rolls once the train had left the station. I point out that the one-third of the train was indeed out of the station. Just then the train shudders and reverses back in. The attendant, with a triumphant air, tells me that if he had complied, he would now, technically, have to take the bedding back.

Sigh.

Almost three hours behind schedule, the Intercity Express finally leaves Guwahati. And pillows and blankets are duly deposited on berths.

Lumding Junction rolls in after 3 a.m. I manage to roust out the chap in charge of the retiring rooms and grab a few more hours of sleep.

As my eyes close, I blearily noted that the eastern sky has already begun to lighten. Dawn comes earlier to these parts of India. So early, in fact, that the locals, very practically, run their lives by “Garden Time,” an hour ahead of IST. It isn’t 4 a.m. yet, but secessionist birds are already up and bustling in the trees that surround the station.

I wake to find that it had rained heavily, and was still drizzling in a quiet determined way. An overcast sky gives no hint as to the time, or even which way is East. I gallop to the next platform, where the train I’m here to write about stands ready to depart.

The Barak Valley Express travels between Lumding, three-and-a-half hours away from Guwahati (when drivers aren’t being beaten up), to Silchar, in the South, 214 km and – loosely – 12 hours away.

It ambles down the track in distinctly un-Expressy fashion. No longer a steam line, it is still one of the last few metre gauge lines in the country. The timetable I’d printed out off the Indian Railways website lists 15 stations, start and end inclusive. But we stop at that many in the first couple of hours. The timetable, as a result, seems to get further and out of touch with the time bubble the train travels in, serving only to keep track of the order of the main stops.

Sharing the cubicle with me are two Bengali couples, with a baby. They ask me the Indian Traveller’s Most Frequently Asked Question: would I be willing to “adjust” so that the baby could sleep? Groan. There goes the few catch-up hours of shuteye I was counting on. They proceed to add to my misery by taking out a large tiffin basket. I can feel the saliva fill my mouth – I had not had the time to catch any breakfast at the station, and this train doesn’t come with a pantry car. I try to bury my nose in a book as they chomp their way steadily through several containers of food. About an hour down the line, salvation arrives in the shape of an elderly vendor with tea and sweet buns. I wolf down two of each, burp, and fortified, take more interest in the scenery we’re passing.

Everywhere, bamboo muscles its way through the undergrowth, wrestling with creepers, reaching above other trees. Which accounts for the amount of cane one sees used, not just in baskets and the like, but entire villages roofed, walled and fenced with it. It’s as ubiquitous as cow pats are in other parts of non-urban India.

Speaking of which, you won’t see many cows. Goats are everywhere though. And instead of chickens scrabbling in the mud, one sees ducks in every pond.

When one sees human habitation, that is. Most of what we pass through shows no sign of being in any way tamed by the railway line that cut through it. Bird sounds abound, audible even above the clatter of steel wheels. The jungle comes right up to the tracks, on occasion reaching out a bamboo stem that rattles against the train walls as we pass. If this is still officially the dry season, I cannot begin to imagine the levels of greenness in the monsoon.

I think about my grandfather, who in World War II, already a man in his middle years, walked through the jungle to Assam from Rangoon, just ahead of the Japanese army. As a toddler, I would sit wide-eyed while he told me tales of monkeys and snakes, forests and streams. And, in later years, my gran would tell me of the physical wreck he was by the time he got through to Assam.

I peer into the thick vegetation, and my respect for him grows. I turn my eyes to the sky. Those were good stories, grampa, really good stories. And yes, I believe every one of them, including the one about the cook whose teeth grew back after he chewed the twigs the monkey gave him.

And yes, the army. Or is it paramilitary? Whatever. They’re everywhere. The larger stations have small squads of armed uniformed men patrolling the platform, peering into the train. Even the really small stations, the ones not on the time table, the ones with three waiting passengers and a goat, even those stations have at least one of them, usually in a sentry post by himself, insulated from the civilians around him.

The smells of the journey are wet ones. Wet earth, wet leaves, wet goats at stations. And the views, of hills and valleys, of green in more shades than I’ve seen anywhere except Kerala. Wildflowers fringe the long grass and bamboo. And at one stage, so close to the tracks I thought it was a large goat, I see a wild deer.

I break journey at Haflong, roughly mid-route. I am to get down at Haflong Hill, but the train stays put at lower Haflong for two hours. The locomotive has had it. A replacement is on it way. As at Guwahati, I do not learn this from an official announcement, but by asking around, my shrewd traveller’s mind being tipped off by, after the first hour, noticing that there was no engine in front of the train.
I flag down an autorickshaw. I have been told it should cost me not more than forty rupees to the Circuit House where i am to spend the night. The driver asks for what sounds to me like sixty. Fifty, I say firmly. The man looks at me strangely and says “thirty.” This place is a looong way away from becoming a tourist trap!

Haflong has little to offer the typical tourist anyway – just achingly beautiful vistas everywhere you look. Tea and toast consumed, I lean over the fence and watch the daylight disappear, hurrying West to give the rest of India its sunsets, my cigarette a glowing orange counterpoint to the lit windows in the valley below. And from the gloaming, several fireflies join in, flashing green-gold as they wander from flower to flower.

It is a perfect moment.

And I can tell no-one about it. The only cellphone service provider here is BSNL, and it does not allow other networks to roam on its frequency.

I go indoors to write soppy poetry instead, and nourish my outer self with a delicious river fish preparation, accompanied with thick-grained, soft rice.

Next morning, I wake at what, for me, is the hideously early hour of 7 a.m. Outside, it is bright and clear, and still. The further, higher peaks frequently draw their clouds more tightly around their shoulders and disappear from view. Visibility fades a little, and the view begins to get hazy. It dawns on me that I am actually walking in a cloud. The breeze suddenly picks up speed. With a sudden rush and a roar and a rattle, the trees begin to dance. Fat, cold drops of rain race toward me out of the haze. They clatter on the roof of the Circuit House like the ghosts of a thousand bureaucrats simultaneously typing reports on ancient typewriters.

I leave to catch the day’s Barak Valley Express for the second half of the journey. It is only an hour late.

The scenery from here on is more rugged. Wild bamboo fights for space with other trees. And everywhere there is the sound of running water.

The Barak river is a constant presence on the left, a muddy brown ribbon that undulates across the landscape, here, stirred to a what looks like great rafting white water, there, quiet looking but fast-flowing, joined at regular intervals by streams that tumble down the hillside on one side of the train, reappearing under us on the other.

The train shrieks through pitch-black tunnels that drip water, bursting through into the brightness of the evening on the other side. Young, high-spirited men shout into the darkness, their voices echoing back to the other compartments.

The long dusk segues unnoticeably into a brilliantly moonlit night. The river still glints beside us, a silent, silvery grey now.

I sleep. The train is running three hours late and I have an early morning flight to catch. The Barak Valley Express pulls in to Silchar a little short of midnight. I stagger out and find a hotel, with the help of a journo I had met at Haflong. I ask for a 5 a.m wakeup call. I bargain with a taxi in the morning. I get to the airport well in time.

When will I learn?

The flight was two hours late.


The information
The Barak Valley Express leaves Lumding at 7.45 a.m., and, allegedly, reaches Silchar at 8 p.m. the same day. The up train leaves Silchar at ??a.m. and reaches Lumding at ??p.m.
There is no first class or AC wagon. Just sleepers and unreserved bogies. The train has no pantry car, or official attendants. So carry your own food if you’re finicky. But you will not starve if you don’t. Every station brings vendors with varieties of channa, buns, boiled eggs (called “dim,” if my ears served me right) and of course, tea. And yes, plenty of fresh fruit – pineapples mainly, but also large yellow bananas and jackfruit.
Silchar is an important rail junction, and has an airport. From the Lumding end, however, your nearest airport is Guwahati. Be sure to plan connections with long gaps. Transport here operates not in Garden Time or IST, but in that unique time zone, As Long As It Takes.
Haflong, the seat of the North Cachar Hills autonomous district council, is a good place to break your journey. You can book into the Tourist Lodge through the Directorate Of Tourism, Assam, which you can contact at (0361) 2547102. You also have a choice of cheap to medium budget hotels, a market on Saturdays (I’m told you can buy rice beer!) and wonderful walks to be had every day.
Possible excursions from here include the bird watching centre at Jatinga, 9 kms away, and the ruins of the former capital of the Dimasa Kachari kings at Maibong.

Published in Outlook Traveller, July edition.



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Tuesday, 28 June 2005

Many lives, one day

There are two ways I could do this piece.

I could tell you about a day in the life of an obscure creative director in a Bombay ad agency. But an obscure CD’s life is pretty much the same anywhere in the world, innit? And, besides, for me, that was something I stopped doing five years ago.

It was good, was advertising. Taught me a lot, made me some great pals.

But one day I looked up and ten years had gone by, the industry wasn’t the same one I had jumped into from journalism, the agency I was with had morphed into a different creature while I wasn’t looking, heck, even being a creative director wasn’t the thing that I had aimed for when I started out as a copy trainee, aged 25.

The agency, after the last bout of changes, had made it clear that I didn’t exactly fit into their plans, and it seemed like a good time to drop out. So I did. And started over once more.

First jump was on to the dotcom rollercoaster. A lovely ride, learned new skills, had fun. And then, as bubbles have the regrettable habit of doing, it burst.

Since then, I have consulted with several small agencies, handled some clients directly, dabbled in other stuff that interests me, made some money, not made lots more, and generally have a more interesting life now. And while I have had the occasional twinge of what-might-have-been, I haven’t regretted it a bit.

So, instead of telling you what it’s like to be an obscure creative director, let me tell you what it’s like being an obscure advertising freelancer, part-time CD, occasional radio spot producer, Voice Over artist, columnist and travel writer, and full time net addict.

The day usually starts with bleary reading of SMSes – everyone more than marginally acquainted with me knows better than to try and phone me before noon, the rest talk to my voicemail – asking me to call someone back. If it sounds urgent enough, say a VO that has to be done that very day (hallelujah!), I make the call uncaffeinated. Otherwise, I only work the phone after breakfast and the papers.

Calls done, the computer is fired up. Mail from several accounts gets checked first – personal mail, freelance work, work at the office, mail from a column, daily summaries from my several online groups and blogs, all to separate in-boxes.

If it’s a really frabjous day, Outlook Traveller will be checking whether I’m free to do a trip for them, or a fat estimate for a web project gets approved. Less exhilarating, but not unwelcome, someone’s sent me a URL or two for my column (I review websites, with a slant towards the weird and off-centre). Or there’s a brief in there somewhere. Usually, it’s a client, or a small agency wanting to know status on a job that’s underway.

All are good. Attention if any kind is good. It wasn’t too long ago that I’d been in the financial doldrums, after a series of complications had taken away large chunks of time and wiped out my savings. You see, when you’re freelancing, you only get paid when you work. Seems self-evident, I know, but when you’ve spent most of your working life in the secure knowledge that there’s going to be a cheque coming in at the end of the month whether you’d earned every paisa or not, you tend to not plan too far ahead.

The morning backlog taken care of, its time to check in to Pinstorm – that’s the search engine marketing agency where I consult part-time. I switch on Trillian, a wonderful little app which lets me log into four different kinds of instant messenger via the same window. I chat with my team on jobs in progress, exchanging URLs and comments, and then with the account handlers on any new stuff or developments on existing clients. And decide whether I need to get into respectable clothing and make the trip into the office. If there’s nothing urgent, I wander the web a bit, and there’s a dozen Firefox tabs windows open in quick order. One will be tuned into Caferati, an online writing group I help run, another has my RSS feedreader open (no, it’s not that RSS – this means Really Simple Syndication), others will be online comics and news sites.

If there is anything urgent I need to do, I still do the web routine, except that I ration myself to just an hour. And then the bus into town, because I loathe city driving with a passion, and break into hives when I think about finding parking.

Pinstorm is, at present, a small team, but stretched. Growth has been phenomenal, and I spend more time there than I had planned to when I signed up. But it’s fun work. The scary part of the business model is that the agency only gets paid for results. That’s more than balanced out by the fact that clients do not have final authority over the creative. Part of the agenda for me now is expanding the creative team to be able to handle the increased work load, so it’s likely that I’ll be checking through CVs or meeting prospective writers and designers.

If it’s a day when it hasn’t been necessary to pop by the office, the only other reasons for making the sortie into the crowded, noisy, dirty metropolis is if I have a radio spot to produce (rare, because I still haven’t made a dent into that area), a VO to do, or an independent client to meet. The last I enjoy the least, most of the time. They’re usually blissfully innocent of advertising rates, and want cut rate copy (“It’s just words, yaar, why should words cost so much?”).

The actual writing I tend to do in the still of the night, after the creative director and client handler duties are taken care of, with generous doses of Freecell and Scrabble and idle web surfing thrown in. The closer to deadline I am, the longer these recreational breaks, until I happen to glance out of the window and notice that the sky has begun to lighten. At which point I begin typing furiously.

Work done and emailed, a spot of reading, before I fall asleep, curtains drawn against the bright morning.

Today is another day.


Peter Griffin is a freelance writer, communications consultant and part-time creative director in Bombay.

Published some time in June, in Aurora, Karachi. It's an advertising and marketing publication from the Dawn group.



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Thursday, 23 June 2005

Mousetrap - 8

It gnows what you like.
Gnod - The global network of dreams
An experimental project, Gnod is a “self-adapting system, living on this server and ‘talking’ to everyone who comes along.” Here’s the way it works. Type in the name of an author (on gnooks.com), and in a whirling matrix - you’ll have to wait a few seconds for it to settle down - it gives you other authors you might like. Likewise with movies. For music, the site first asks you to name favourite artistes, and then makes recommendations based on your choices. A related site that I didn’t find a link to on these sites (and in fact the way I found them - Thanks Nilanjana S Roy) is music-map.com, which does the same whirlpool act with musicians, bands and singers.

The world wild web
Wildlywise.com
A “journey through the Internet into Wild India.” The site aims to become a portal of sorts for people interested in wildlife and adventure in India. It features contributed articles, special features, photography, a message board of sorts, tips on itineraries, resort reviews and an index to the National Parks. The flip side is that the site design is hard on the eyes, the navigation a bit clumsy, and worst of all, it doesn’t seem to have been updated since 2003 (except for the message board, an offsite utility, which does have recent questions and answers. Go visit, and tell them to update!

Twirled
Moustache Database
Ever wondered how many kinds of moustaches exist there can be? This database seems to have all the answers. you can look up moustaches through history, on the upper lips of celebs and stars (nope, no Aamir Khan), and a few interesting ’tache tales. You might also want to check out the World Beard and Moustache Association, and the truly magnicient foliage at World Beard and Moustache Championships.

Comic relief
Raj Comics
Quite a favourite of mine for ages, this site features gushing introductions in bad English to the group’s stable of comic book characters, including a range of rather unusual superheroes, and some truly awful site design. So bad its good. Please go see. And meet Anthony (“the clouds thunder lightening flashes and dead man Anthony brakes out of his grave like a submarine fired a missile emerges out of the sea”), Super Commando Dhruva, the Master Out Witter whose “most potent weapon is his super fast track mind which helps him outdo and outwit any enemy in crunch situations.” and the rather hot Shakti (who changes into the mild-mannered, but also bootylicious Chanda.

I say, what.
The Chap
The Chap is British, obviously, and the online presence of a magazine by the same name. It deplores, with great style - and humour - the degeneration of standards in the UK, the vanishing of tweeds, the absence of moustaches and pipes and style in general. The site features selections from the magazine, a few other articles (see the bit on The Chap Olympics) plus an advice column, and a forum, free to join (www.sheridanclub.co.uk), that is thoughtfully designed to look like a Microsoft Help menu, “so you can spend even less time working and even more time conversing with your virtual chums.” Right then. Pip pip for now.


This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Reader suggestions welcome, and will be acknowledged. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 24th June 2005.

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Thursday, 16 June 2005

Mousetrap - 7

Survival of the funniest
Darwin Awards
The subject of many an internet forward, the Darwin Awards are part of internet lore. They started as fictional postings on Usenet, as far back as 1985. Online veterans will remember the story of the thief killed by the vending machine he was trying to rob, and the car with the jet-assisted take off. Both turned out to be untrue (see “urban legends” - see next website), but the term Darwin Awards stuck. The idea behind it is simple. Darwin Awards are darkly humourous tip of the hat to Charles Darwin. They “honour” people who improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it in a spectacularly stupid manner. They are usually awarded posthumously – naturally – except in cases where “recipients” manage to sterilise themselves, ensuring that their genes don’t get passed on. Hours and hours of enjoyment in the archives. And yes, they’re all true stories. One of the conditions are that stories must be independently verifiable.

Heard it on the grapevine
The AFU & Urban Legends Archive
What is an Urban Legend? Briefly, it is a funny or gory - preferably both - story or anecdote that appears seemingly from nowhere, and the takes on a life of its own, spreading spontaneously (the internet and the “Fw:” button help). They are usually apocryphal, but not necessarily. Oh yes, they’re not necessarily urban either. And what’s AFU? It stands for the newsgroup, alt.folklore.urban, of which the site is a direct descendant. AFU is a newsgroup “devoted to the discussion and debunking of urban legends and other related issues.” The site categorises ULs neatly, and is a good place check not just for amusement but also as a way to check on things you hear about before you breathlessly pass them on.

What you don’t need to know
Uncyclopedia
A parody of the Wikipedia (covered in a previous column), this wiki is supposed to be about satire, but winds up being knee-slappingly funny in its own right. As the site describes itself, it is an “encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. It's sort of like Congress or Parliament. Unlike Congress or Parliament, however, we do have a sense of humor.” It doesn’t just laugh at the Wikipedia (on whose pages it originated, early this year), but also at itself. Try looking up the pages on Bombay, India or the indeed, the entry for Wikipedia. [Warning: the language can be, ahem, uninhibited. Not for the kiddies.]

On the road
Wooster Collective
Named after a street in Soho, New York, the Wooster collective showcases street art from all over the world. (Makes one wonder why we can’t get some of our ugly city walls painted by artists rather than let them be defaced with politicians’ slogans and advertisements.) There are huge amounts of eye-candy in the centre panel, done blog-style, with regular updates, and if that wasn’t enough, the sidebars are a veritable treasure trove.

Blog of the week
Streets, walls and the world at large
And while on street art, let me introduce you to this blogger (disclosure: she’s a friend), who has very few words for you. What she does have is wonderful pictures from around the world of, well, streets and walls. Downside: she posts infrequently. Must get her company to send her globetrotting some more. Er, can I carry your bags for you, Nandini?

This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Reader suggestions welcome, and will be acknowledged. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 17th June 2005.

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Thursday, 9 June 2005

Mousetrap - 6

A big thank you to the readers who sent in suggestions. Keep them coming, please (suggestions will be acknowledged). It makes the writing of this column so much easier for your lazy correspondent. And who knows, perhaps, like the first featured site today, I might get a book deal out of it.

News you better not use
News of the weird
It claims to be the most widely-read bizarre news feature in the USA, which I can’t corroborate. But it certainly lives up to its name. The site lists brief synopses of actual news items illustrating the, um, best of the weird, large parts of which are contributed by its devoted fan following (one more on my “why the heck didn’t I think of that?” list). Whether you choose to read it kill a little time while the boss is out at a meeting, or because it is a “ weekly chronicle of the continuing decline of civilisation ... [or] a therapeutic personal bench mark for reassuring yourself that it's all those other people (not you) who are the problem,” the site is well worth a visit. The archives are for paid subscribers, but you can read the latest column and the last 25 for free.

Blog of the week
idlewords
“Brevity is for the weak” says Maciej Ceglowski. And then he proceeds to regale the web with long, well crafted and quietly funny essays. Topics include the worst pizza places in the world (the latest essay), and a guide to best practises for time travellers (based on a person who, on IRC chat, claimed to be a time traveller from the future).

The city that doesn’t sleep
Best of Bombay
This site wants to tell you where to party in the mega city. It also features sections on books, travel, music, movies, and the like, but some of those do not seem to have been updated in a while (Arts & Culture features “Theatre in Feb” as the second item on the list when I checked) and some of the listings sound to my ears like PR handouts or cut-paste jobs. Where it really comes into its own is the night life guide, which is where one suspects the hearts of the founders really are. Oodles of quick reviews, with useful information about ambience, cuisine, prices, whether a place serves alcohol or not, even recommended dishes and drinks. Their lists are searchable by category, location and budget, and seem pretty comprehensive to me. But then, I don’t get around much, with column deadlines dangling above my head. (Grazie, Salil Sojwal)

Extinct? Not if you can help it.
The Big Al game
Have a dino-crazy young ’un getting underfoot? Take the little tyke to this site and you won’t hear a peep out of him for a long while. He gets to role play an Allosaurus, from hatchling to adult, finding food, tackling all manner of other creatures, finding out what can harm him and what he can kill and eat. Along the way, there’s plenty of links where your pride and joy can get even more information and generally contribute to your feelings of inferiority at the level of his knowledge at an age when you were still accepted unquestioningly that cows, besides rallying the RSS, could jump over the moon.

Yum
Uncle Phaedrus, Finder of Lost Recipes
Uncle Phaedrus can tell you how to make Fudge or fruitcake, Mothering Sunday Cake or Shrimp Linguine, Chocolate Decadence Cake, Moustakouloura, Kashk Bademjan, Tropkapfen, Zweiback, Coquilles St. Jacques Crepes, Croatian Hrstula, Kremówki, even food for diabetics, food allergy and other special diet recipes. The the list goes on and on, and there’s drool on the keyboard. So, bon appetit, till next week.

This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Reader suggestions welcome, and will be acknowledged. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 11th June 2005.

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Thursday, 2 June 2005

Mousetrap - 5

Girls just wanna have fun
BadIndianGirl.com
No, it's not that kinda site. This site is dedicated to those unfortunate young ladies of Indian blood resident in the USA, who find themselves constantly compared – unfavourably – with “Good Indian Girls.” Who is a Bad Indian Girl, then? “If you have a boyfriend, are not married at 25, have not mastered the art of making your own plain yogurt, have nosy relatives constantly inquiring about your life,” you’re it. Hmm. That should interest a lot of women right here in this city. Well, girls, you’ll find a bunch of short pieces that lampoon the members of the menagerie: the perv uncle, the nosy auntie, and so on, plus Letterman-style Top Ten lists, and lots of tongue-in-cheek advice. Go girl!

Hic
Tulleeho
If it was just a set of reviews of watering holes not just in Bombay and India, but in other parts of the world as well, I’d raise a toast to this site. But it also has a nice selection of cocktail recipes, information about various kinds of alcohol, smart drinking tips, contests, and a lively discussion forum. Cheers!

Blog of the week
The Compulsive Confessor
I’m not much of a fan of the Dear Diary school of blogs. Too many people who think what they had for breakfast is something the world needs to know now! But eM (“twenty-something, single, female, journalist, with large groups of friends and who goes out for drinks pretty regularly. That's my life and that's what I write about. Okay? Okay.”) has a life that a lot of people want to read about, evidently, because she is quickly developing a a fan following. She writes with a degree of frankness that anonyblogs make all too easy, but the difference is she writes well.

Utility site of the week
Mumbai Navigator
Don't expect sleek design, pretty pictures or other frippery. The Navigator (designed by the Department of Computer Science and Engineering at IIT Bombay) is a strictly functional site that helps you figure out the public transport in this city. Pick a start and end point, and it will give you a travel plan, estimated journey time, and any changes in transport you need to make. Or simply enter a place name and find out what transport is available. Or browse the database of bus routes sorted by number, and train routes. The site hasn't been updated in the last few years, so it will deny the existence of trains to Panvel, for instance, or of the Thane-Vashi rail link. No train timetable either. And someone at IIT is a spelling purist: if you don't start place names with a capital letter, the site won't find them. (Merci, Rohit Verma.)

Take one subtext, get two paradigms free
Postmodernism Generator
Want to bamboozle the eggheads in your life? Pop by this site, and copy and paste one of the randomly generated essays it spouts. Don’t like what you see? Hit ‘Refresh’ and it’ll do you another. And when you’ve found the one you want, go over to the PoMo Title Generator and find yourself a headline. See ya next week, professor.


This column explores the wilder, wackier, weirder corners of the world wide web. Mail inthemousetrap@indiatimes.com.

Published in the Times of India, Mumbai edition, 3rd June 2005.

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Wednesday, 1 June 2005

The Sula Vineyards Tasting Room


If you find yourself passing Nashik, and you feel the need to irrigate your throat a bit, drop by the Sula vineyards.
You can take a guided tour of the winery, with a tasting and a mini wine appreciation session thrown in (swirl, sniff, sip, repeat). If you wanna drink shome more, you can hook a leg on the bar rail, or shtagger out – glass door, be careful – to the sheating area, a large balcony, open on three shides, with a panra... panoram... lovely view of vineyards, lake in middle distansh, and the hillsh for, wossisname, variety. Wee li’l chairsh. You could fall off. And when you’re done, you can buy up a few botts at factory ratesh. Cheersh. Don’t drink and drive, now.

The Sula Tasting Room is open to the public (Sun, Tue-Thu: 11:00 am – 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat: 11:00 am – 9:30 pm, Closed Mondays). Tour + Tasting, Rs 100. More wine as per rate card. You can nibble at a cheese platter while you sip. No meals served, but lunch can be organised for large groups with prior notice. Email visitsula@sulawines.com or call 0253 2331663 to arrange your tour. Sula’s website - sulawines.com - has instructions on how to get there.

Photo: Abhijit Bhatlekar

Published in Outloook Traveller, June edition, as the text below a photospread.

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